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| Image Description: Dyed blue crushed egg shell is smashed on a brown paper bag colored background. |
I am still trying to put the pieces of me back together that were torn apart in March 2020. I feel like I have constantly been falling apart physically and emotionally and building back up again, but none of the versions attempted are quite the right fit. We are going into a new year in less than an hour, and I’m not ready. I am carrying a lot of anger and a mixture of other feelings into 2022, but baggage doesn’t disappear just because the calendar changes. However, it is a good opportunity to reflect on the past and imagine what forward motion for the new year might look like. For this moment, here I am, present at the keyboard, writing. It may be messy, but it’s the start of something.
This is a fresh blog, though I am not new to blogging. My mind tells me it’s a crazy decision to start a third blog, when I haven’t even kept up with the two that I have. There was even a blog before these, which I barely remember, that has since been deleted. However, I have to do it anyway it, for I am compelled to do so. I didn’t choose writing. It chose me. The subject matter often seems to have a life of its own as well. Even so, in the case of blog writing I have always struggled with focus and subject matter. This time I have planned to dig a hole into the trenches of chronic illness, a place I often find myself buried.
This dark and often lonely place, might not be what readers what to hear about it. Perhaps, however, I am wrong. It’s been a heavy couple of years for almost everyone around the world due to the COVID-19 pandemic. And each person has their own story and struggles.
My story happens to be laced with illness that I will likely never be able to separate myself from. For those of you who struggle with your health in any way, this may be a place for you. I hope, however, that it can be a place for everyone, though it doesn’t have to be. I just don’t have a target audience.
Regardless, I need to write this. What I can tell you is that I’m going to be vulnerable. Things will get real and perhaps unfiltered. I don’t have a lot of energy for filtering right now. I am also an open book these days. My intention is not to whine, but to share my experience, and perhaps you may find some relatability or relevance to my life journey. In addition, I am open to any serious inquiries you may have about chronic illness or health issues. Please let me know in the comments if there’s any particular subject matter you would like me to cover.
You may find the title of this blog is a bit awkward. I have never really been great with titles. I had some better ones in mind, but they were all taken. Yet, this one works, and there’s a lot of hope coming from it. I plan to offer positivity in this space, but there will be a lot of rough patches to refine along the way. I know and feel that there’s always light in the darkness even if it seems far off — it’s there. If you are willing to join me on this journey, I will soon get into more detail about my title and what it means to me. For now, I must rest and come to the writing page another day. I pray that you find some rest as well and have a joyous New Year!
